Existential Family Stress and its Antidote

Financial problems, disease or disability, natural disasters, and just plain not getting along can cause familial stress which can make the dreams of a happy life exponentially life more difficult. How we get into these situations and how we deal with them makes all the difference. In the Book of Genesis, God curses the earth so that it will bring forth thorns and thistles. God then tells Adam that by the sweat of [his] face he shall eat bread. In understanding that passage, we correctly assume that the earth has natural dangers, and it will be an uphill climb to provide for those we love and overcome those natural dangers. I believe that we fail to understand that thorns and thistles do not just come from rose bushes. The curse (or condition) that God put on the earth does not just apply to Urushiol found in poison ivy, or the sting of the bee. Instead, part of being on this earth is about facing the thorns and thistles of everyday life. 

From flat tires to the flu, peeling paint to parting ways, life is uncomfortable. Helen Keller is attributed to saying, “Security does not exist in nature.” This is because “the only constant in the universe is change,” Albert Einstein. Change is uncomfortable, and yet we seek to hide from it.

Interestingly enough, most major religions believe that accepting the change and suffering that accompanies it leads to a refinement of the person who is experiencing it. In the Old Testament: Psalms 16:8-10, “8 I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh shall also rest in hope. 10 For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption.”

The New Testament: 2 Timothy 2:12, "12 If we suffer, we shall also reign with him [Jesus]: if we deny him, he will also deny us:" and Revelations 2:10, “fear none of those things which thou shall suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison, that you may be tried; and you shall have tribulation ten days: be thou faithful unto death, and I [Jesus] will give thee a crown of life.”

The Qur’an, 65:2-3: And whosoever is conscious of Allah, He will make for them a way out…. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whosoever relies upon Allah-then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.”

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجْعَل لَّهُ مَخْرَجًا
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ ۚ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ ۚ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا

That’s the Arabic for those of you who would like to see it.

So why do I mention religion when talking about familial stress? Because it immensely alleviates the pain that comes when tragedies happen. I know of no better recourse. People today look towards nihilism and hedonism to absolve them of their pain. But it is an empty shell. Nihilism, or the belief that nothing matters, cannot end your pain because your pain matters. You cannot escape it. Pain must be felt head-on, and the Band-Aid must be ripped off. Hiding from it will only make the process hurt more.
 People often ask why God would let a catastrophe happen. Whether it be financial instability like the 2009 housing market crash or a medical diagnosis, like my friend finding out she had Crohn's disease, or the news that a friend has committed suicide as I received in 2019. The question “Why me?” is crippling. It does not allow for growth, and it presumes that you are meant to live an easy life. Family does not produce an easy life, but a fulfilling one. Despite what pop culture and the media would tell you, you are, in fact, not meant to live an easy life. You are meant for a fulfilling life and the better question is, “How can I learn from this, and help others in similar straits?”

Bones grow back stronger after they break, and so do families, on the condition that they are properly healed. Who is there to heal the malaise around you if you hide in a hedonistic stupor, slowly and miserably ripping your bandages off?

If you look around, you will find 10 ways (at least) that you could immediately help your family, your friends, and those who you can tell are going through a “why me?” situation. Certain problems you can’t fix, but certain problems can only be helped by you.