Preparing for marriage

So, you took an arrow to the knee as they say, and decided to tie the knot. You’re getting married. But how do you get married in a way that will set you and your spouse up for success? That seems to be the question everyone asks, but nobody can answer, until now. In this post we will go over three areas people tend to pay little attention to as they plan for and execute their big day.

Finances- First off, weddings are expensive, right? Wrong, or at least they don’t have to be. If you have the money to waste on an ice sculpture commemorating your special union, go ahead. That ice sculpture will melt eventually, and so will your confidence in where you put your money. What about flowers? Flowers are nice, but do you really need a whole bouquet for every table? Probably not. Your special day doesn’t have to be your most expensive day, so don’t even get me started on destination weddings. If you require an excuse to spend money, spend it on something that will last. My advice is to take your wedding budget, cut it in half, and use that half that you would have spent and get a couple of weeks or months of couples counseling after your honeymoon. That way, you and your spouse can be on the same page about your goals and expectations for the marriage. In two years, five years, and 10 years, it won't matter if you went to Hawaii, made an entire species of flowers go extinct to fill up your wedding bouquets, or rented out the best place in town. What will matter is the ceremony and the people that were there for it. That's what marriage is about. People. Being with the person that you love surrounded by your family and friends. You do not want to go into debt because the bride needed an expensive ring. All debt will do at the onset of your union is sow the seeds of it breaking up. Now, obviously, not all expensive weddings result in divorce, but why would you tempt fate with the most precious thing in your life as collateral?

Family dynamics – just because you are trying to cut down costs for your wedding doesn't mean that you go crying to Daddy for some supplemental funds. As you and your spouse are trying to form an independent family unit separate from both of your families, asking for too much of their money infantilizes you in their eyes. There is nothing separate about parents taking care of their children, adult or not. If you do take their money, then there is an implied debt, and who knows how, or if, or when, that debt will be paid back. This can lead to many power struggles and guilt trips throughout upwards of the next 20 years. Do you really want to put yourself through that all for one party? Not to mention, this also leaves you exposed to manipulation about how the wedding should go, because the parents are paying for it anyway. The stress of in-laws controlling what is supposed to be your best day ever, and every day after that is a punishment no person should bear.

How do you avoid this possible eternal nightmare? It starts with being honest and realistic with your spouse as to what you can and cannot do for your wedding. If you can't fly everyone to the Bahamas, no one will judge you (or if they do, they don't need to be invited). What you can do is call in favors and find a venue that will give you a pro bono deal or discount deal. Maybe you go to a church that will let you use the property or maybe use a public park if it's a quick ceremony. If you have lots of family, instead of asking for gifts, ask for their time and talent to provide the food. These types of measures will not only cut the cost of the wedding but increase your ability to work with your spouse to achieve a high goal with limited resources, learn from him or her, and create a more fun, more memorable wedding.

The two of you are planning on being together forever. That is what is important. The price tag and the message that it should go exactly how the bride wants are not significant. You might not get everything that you want on your wedding day because it is not what you really want. You want love from your spouse, your family, and your friends. You want that love to last forever and by considering what's been mentioned above, you have a better chance at nurturing that love.